Anger & Aggression.

If you google anger, the results say something on managing it. As if anger in itself is something bad, not welcome, unwanted. Something to be de-escalated. And of course; anger can affect or hurt others. Especially if you haven’t looked into it and use it without awareness, not taking your impact into account.

Being angry is, however, one of 5 the basic emotions. It is part of life to feel angry sometimes. To show up with what we have, to differentiate, to stand up for something important, to move to what we need, we need aggression. Aggression comes from the Latin etymology ad gredere, which means move towards. So, without it, not a lot of movement is possible.

Were you welcomed to be angry?

How we learned to be angry, or express our aggression, has a major impact on our environment. And our environment has a major effect on how we express anger or aggression. For instance, if it wasn’t welcomed to simply be angry, but met with the cold shoulder or rejection, you learned how to hold it in. Probably the aggressive energy stayed with you in some form. Feelings of self-doubt, shame or resentment could be silent witnesses to your anger.

Or, on the other extreme, if you were met with a lot of anger yourself, when expressing your emotions, it could mean you are sitting with a lot of frustration and loneliness.

This will probably show up in your close relationships, making clear what it is that you need or standing up for what you belief. Especially because of the nature of anger, it happens a lot that the anger you’re expressing hasn’t been properly acknowledged and thus owned. And that’s the thing with anger; it wants to be heard.

Not being met in your anger can feel/be violent as well. Not only loud screams hold power, it’s also silence that can hurt. Speaking your truth and finding a sparring partner gives you the opportunity to move beyond the survival dynamics (Fight/flight/fawn/freeze)into finding agency. So that a new situation can develop.