Anger.

If you search for anger on Google, you will get results about how to deal with it. As if anger itself is something bad, something that is not welcome, something you do not want. Something you need to temper. And of course, anger can influence or hurt others. Especially if you have not looked at it and use it without being aware of it, without considering your impact.

However, being angry is one of the five basic emotions. It is part of life to be angry sometimes. To show what we have, to make distinctions, to stand up for something important, to go for what we need, we need aggression. Aggression comes from the Latin word ad gredere, which means “to move towards”. So without aggression, not much movement is possible.

Were you encouraged to be angry?

How we learned to be angry or express our aggression has a major impact on our environment. And our environment has a major effect on how we express anger or aggression. For example, if it was not okay to just be angry, but you were ignored or rejected, then you learned to hold it in. The aggressive energy probably remained with you in some form. Feelings of self-doubt, shame or resentment can be silent witnesses to your anger.

Or, at the other extreme, if you were confronted with a lot of anger when you expressed your emotions, it may mean that you are experiencing a lot of frustration and loneliness.

This will probably manifest itself in your close relationships, making it clear what you need or what you stand for. Particularly because of the nature of anger, it often happens that the anger you express is not properly recognised and therefore not accepted. And that is the thing about anger: it wants to be heard.

If your anger is not recognised, it can also feel/be violent. It is not only loud shouting that has power; silence can also hurt. By speaking your truth and finding a sparring partner, you get the chance to move beyond the survival dynamics (fight/flight/fawn/freeze) and find your own strength.

So that a new situation can arise.